i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
