smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
