Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
