apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
