so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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