you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
