awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
