I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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