I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
