i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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