I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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