You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
