Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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