and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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