My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
