She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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