And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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