i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
