Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
