Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
