Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
