something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
