she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
