I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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