I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
