meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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