took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
