Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
