...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
