why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I deserve to be covered in dicks
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