Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
