just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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