real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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