The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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