4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I could fuck to npr.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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