You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.