I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic