I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.