She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.