About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december