Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize