her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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