A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We are all done wearing pants today
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
