Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
