So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
