Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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