Dual....:-)
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
