High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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