just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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