I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
