dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
