How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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