just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
