every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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