so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
