guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
