Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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