Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
