just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
P.S. I can't hear my feet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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