We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
