i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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