Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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