At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
