Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
