I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
