and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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