you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
