Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
