i barfeds in our rink
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
