Just fell off a train. Bad.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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