shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
