I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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