You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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