brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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