I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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