I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
